13 December 2013

Published December 11, 2013 by rochellewisoff

WELCOME TO FRIDAY FICTIONEERS

As always, writers are encouraged to be as innovative as possible with the prompt and 100 word constraints.

Henry David Thoreau said it best.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

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**NOTE: Wednesday after next is Christmas (already?) In deference to those who will be busy with festivities and family I won’t post the photo prompt until Thursday the 26th.  I will also extend the link one more day. Thank you for your patience and understanding.**

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THE CHALLENGE:

Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.)

THE KEY:

Make every word count.

THE RULES:

  • Copy your URL to the Linkz collection. You’ll find the tab following the photo prompt. It’s the little white box to the left with the blue froggy guy. Click on it and follow directions. This is the best way to get the most reads and comments.
  • MAKE SURE YOUR LINK IS SPECIFIC TO YOUR FLASH. 
  • While our name implies “fiction only” it’s perfectly Kosher to write a non-fiction piece as long as it meets the challenge of being a complete story in 100 words.
    • ***PLEASE MAKE NOTE IN YOUR BLOG IF YOU PREFER NOT TO RECEIVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.***
    • REMINDER: This page is “FRIDAY FICTIONEERS CENTRAL” and is NOT the place to promote political or religious views. Also, you are responsible for the content of your story and policing comments on your blog. You have the right to delete any you consider offensive.

    **Please exercise DISCRETION when commenting on a story! Be RESPECTFUL.**

    Should someone have severe or hostile differences of opinion with another person it’s my hope that the involved parties would settle their disputes in private.

  • Like us on Facebook
  • ;) My story follows the photo and link tool. I enjoy honest comments and welcome constructive criticism. :D
  • Shalom,

          Rochelle

Copyright - Adam Ickes

Copyright – Adam Ickes

get the InLinkz code

Genre: Literary Fiction

Word Count: 100

UNEXPECTED GIFT-UNEXPECTED  TIME

            Charli’s hiking boots are caked with dried mud that defies my cleaning efforts.

            From her first cry, I dreamed of dressing my firstborn in pink pinafores with ruffled lace. But, before she turned two, Charli made it clear she detested pink.

            Since then, I’ve given birth to another tomboy and a son who happens to love pink. Go figure.

            After the accident on her thirteenth birthday, the boots were the only part of Charli I didn’t sell, toss or donate.

            I listen for the doorbell. In a moment I’ll meet the girl to whom I gave my daughter’s untamed heart.

           

113 comments on “13 December 2013

    • Dear Jan,

      This was a very emotional piece for me. I can’t imagine having to experience any of this personally but I so admire parents who can unselfishly give their child’s organs to another. Glad you liked and I appreciate your comments.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

  • A beautifully sad story with an ending I didn’t expect. It brought tears to my eyes. I lost a brother many years ago, and through his organ donation, a dying boy was able to live for more than 20 years with his heart and lungs. The recipient named his first born child after my brother. Thanks for sharing such a touching story, Rochelle.

  • No “heart” comments from me, but I agree that this might be one of your best. Imagining a child dying (as I have several times in my FF stories) is an unfathomable thing but I think that donating organs is a wonderful way to share the blessings of life even in death.

    janet

    • Dear Janet,

      I admire (and appreciate) your self-restraint on this one. ;) It was inspired by an incredible video I saw not too long ago. The parents had donated their teen-age daughter’s organs after she was killed in a skiing accident. The recipient of her heart was a nurse with small children of her own. When the parents met her she came with a stethoscope so the parents could hear their daughter’s heart.
      I sobbed as I watched, in fact I can’t think about it without tears.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

  • Dear Rochelle,

    A lyrical and touching story. As always, I’m in awe of your writing. The photo reminds me of my daughter at the age of 3, stomping around in pink boots lined with lambs wool. Such a spirited child she was. And now she’s a spirited young woman.

    Love,

    Renee

  • Excellently crafted, Rochelle. It hit me in the heart. The only suggestion I’d make (after reading it about four times) is maybe to change “defies” to “defied.” I’m not sure this mother would want to clean Charli’s boots anymore (thus they would have defied her efforts in the past, but no longer). Might she prefer to hold onto not only the boots, but the last pieces of earth through which Charli trod? It’s just a thought, based on what I would do/not do as a mother.

    Overall, thought, an absolutely beautiful story!

    • Dear Lisa,

      Good point on defies vs, defied.Although my point in that sentence is to establish then and now. However I’m not adverse to changing it.

      Thank you for your comments and compliment.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

  • Rochelle, I always love your work. Confession: So many have remarked on your use of the loss of a child. I don’t have that point of reference. (never had children) What I did have was a young brother who died way before his time, and who also donated so others might live. I consider him very brave in that act. It is one which I am unable to commit to. It is not the act of giving, you see. It’s just that I have this irrational fear of not being quite dead, but just mostly dead… Silly for my part. Too much Sci-Fi in my youth I guess.

  • The last line really does add another beautiful element to an already good story, and it’s about such an important issue. I can see why some people find organ donation an icky concept, but struggle to understand why someone would decide against it unless it’s based on religious reasons.

    • Dear MissKZebra,

      There are some fantastic true stories of donated organs saving lives. Probably the most unselfish thing a person could do. I’m glad the message came across in my story.

      Thank you and

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

  • Your stories are always top notch and the first one I read, Rochelle. I think this is one of your best and an excellent example of 100 word flash fiction. Your story gave me chills and that doesn’t happen often. I hope she gave the girl the boots too.

  • As long as I’m here… I thought I’d make a Holiday Gift Suggestion. 100+ writers are Friday Fictioneers… I wonder how many have read a book called This That And Sometimes the Other? It can be found on Amazon… that’s where I bought mine. The Author is a friend of ours.

  • Oh so beautiful and yet so sad. You really gave those shoes a different meaning from what I had imagined. I just hope that when she meets the recipient, the girl hates pink and loves to climb trees. Great story, Rochelle. I loved it.

  • I feel like you’ve been going with sad a lot recently, Rochelle. Another one here – you set us up to love Charli almost as much as the narrator does, then Boom.
    Also, what? Christmas in two weeks? Oh help!

    • Dear Jen,

      I thought my story last week was a happy one. Sorry about Charli. Right after I chose the photo I was inspired by a true story of a couple who donated their daughter’s organs. When they met the nurse recipient she brought a stethoscope so the parents could, once more, hear their daughter’s heart. I sort of apologize for my propensity toward the darker side of things.(If I didn’t make you love Charli, you wouldn’t care that she died, right?)

      In all honesty, Christmas is a little bit of a bummer this year for familial reasons I won’t go into. I’m not at all ready for it. Nonetheless it’s creeping up on us. I hope Sebastian’s going to have a great one.
      As always, your comments mean a lot to me.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

  • You are amazing. I don’t know how you do it, but week after week you come up with a totally original heartbreaking tale – full of pathos and astonishing detail as well. This has to be one of your best, though…

  • Hi Rochelle,
    Poignant and heart wrenching, and that last line is multi-layered and a great conclusion. When my brother died about 10 years ago, we kept this tiny pair of cowboy boots that he had worn when he was little and they are on display on top of the entertainment center and I think of him every time I see them. Ron

  • Dear Queen Lurline,
    What an outstanding tribute to Mothers (and Fathers) who unselfishly donated their children’s organs so that others may live. I got choked up at the end. – Bullwinkle

    • Dear Amy,

      Thank you for your validating comments. My story was inspired by a video I saw where a couple donated their daughter’s organs. The recipient of her heart was a nurse with young children. When they all met the nurse brought a stethoscope so the parents could hear their daughter’s heartbeat. I sobbed.
      Your mother-in-law is a special person.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

  • Beautifully done Rochelle – I loved your last words. ” my daughter’s untamed heart”.
    You’ve made the word ‘punch-line’ your own.. it feels like a punch in the stomach when we get to those last words…

  • This is so very good, Rochelle. You pull every emotion out of us with seemingly no effort, but I know it took a great deal of effort to choose exactly the right words and the perfect timing as you’ve done. And — as I’ve said before, but it bears repeating — your ending just explodes in our hearts and keeps reverberating for some time.

    • Dear Sandra,

      Your words are music to my eyes. This 100 word challenge is one of the most exciting writing endeavors. I was addicted from my first one. I’m pleased that it works well for my readers. Maybe someday I’ll write a novel with “flash chapters” ;)

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

  • Rochelle,
    I’m a bit late in reading stories this week, but I’m glad I read this one. What a great story. I misread the last line and thought it was the daughter who had given her heart to a girl. Then I reread it and the real meaning became clear. Wow, what an ending.
    -David

    • Dear David,

      As you can see, I’m a little behind in getting to and commenting on all the stories. I’ve had some tell me I’m not obligated to comment on every one but I guess I’m a little OCD in that department. ;)

      I’m pleased that you made it by with your comments.

      Shalom,

      Rochelle

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